Guest Blogger Diana Cosby

Diana Cosby is an international bestselling author of Scottish medieval romantic suspense.  Her award-winning books are available in five languages.  Diana has appeared in Woman’s Day, on USA Today’s romance blog, “Happily Ever After,” MSN.com, and in Texoma Living Magazine.

After retiring as a Navy Chief, AGC(AW), Diana dove into her passion – writing romance novels. With 33 moves behind her, she was anxious to create characters who reflected the amazing cultures and people she’s met throughout the world.   Diana is currently working on the sixth book in the award-winning MacGruder brother’s series, and is preparing for the release of her story in the anthology, “Born To Bite,” with Hannah Howell and Erica Ridley.  Diana looks forward to the years of writing ahead and meeting the amazing people who will share this journey.

Diana Cosby, International Bestselling Author

www.dianacosby.com

Editing For Impact
By Diana Cosby ©2012

Editing is the writer’s opportunity to tighten their manuscript to ensure each word works, each sentence counts, and that each chapter supports their story and propels it forward. The following are not hard and fast rules. Like anything else in writing, the below can be bent, twisted, and ignored. The important thing is that you use what works best for your story.  As I’m a visual learner, I prefer giving examples of how each topic is used.

F A S [Feeling→Action→Speech]: The natural progression in how we react is by feeling, action, then speech.
Before:
Anger flared in his eyes, then he turned away. “You’ll finish before we go out,” he stated and set the plate upon the small table.
After:
Anger flared in his eyes, then he turned away. He shoved the plate on the small table. “You’ll finish before we go out.”
*Not only did this align the sentence into a natural sequence, but it eliminated the dialogue tag as well.

The last word and its impact: You help create calm, suspense, drama, intrigue and so on simply by the word you choose to end each sentence. I consider this one of my more important writing tools. Remember, the last read is most remembered.

Example: For a moment she could only stare, mesmerized.
-or-
Mesmerized, for a moment she could only stare.
*Do you see how by simply switching around the words the entire sentence changes? Stare is a stronger word and ends the sentence in a strong tone.

Focus and impact at the end of the sentence: If you wish to achieve a more powerful ending, keep the focus of your sentence on one thought.  You can do this by removing the word and.
Before:
He jumped down to the ground and ran.
After:
He jumped down to the ground, then ran.

Be specific: the more specific you are, the easier it is for the reader to visualize what you’re trying to create. It’s important to ensure you don’t dwell on the unimportant, but rather weave your description within the story.
Before:
It seemed like forever since he’d shown her a magic trick like that, when it’d only been a week.
After:
It seemed like forever since he’d shown her a magic trick that made her smile, when it’d only been a week.

Use a variance of words: We all have our favorite words. When you repeat the same word over and over again, unless for a brief, specific reason, it weakens the story.

Use of odd or unfamiliar words: Use of odd or unfamiliar words will draw attention away from the story. Unless the word is needed for a specific reason, use words that the reader will easily understand.

The use of three: To give a story point more impact, choose three words which accent the moment and drive the story forward. It’s like a story breath or pause, which does anything but stall the story. In fact, it’s like a moment of poetry to your prose:
Examples:
The river churned like a silken ribbon under the moonlight, a light wind rippled across the field of rye in a slow caress, and beyond that stood a cluster of elm and oak where he’d hidden and secured his mount.

Less is more: The more concise you can keep your words, the greater the impact.

Solid motivation: Ensure that each scene or action is motivated and has purpose. Otherwise, the scene or action superficial and will slow the story down.

Author intrusion: When we’re in the viewpoint of a character, we know they are thinking. In my opinion, it’s unnecessary to put, he thought.
Example:
I must get inside, he thought! Becomes→I must get inside!

Pace: Longer sentences slow the story down and bring a softness to your scene. Short sentences pick up the pace and create tension.
Examples:
Fast:
“Get out. Now.”
She glanced back.
“I said now!”

Slow:
Sunlight slipped between the edge of the cave and the wall of water to entwine in a spectacular prism. Encased within the mist of colors along the floor’s border grew green stalks, which arched toward the sun, each stem tipped with a slender white flower.

Writing to the positive: For stronger sentences, write them with a positive spin.
Before:
“If you hadn’t of tried to escape before, I would not have given a second thought to allowing you free rein within my home.”
After:
“If you hadn’t of tried to escape before, I would have given you free rein within my home.”

Transition to and out of past memories: Use the key word, object, or thought to transition to the past. At the end of the reflection, use the same key word, object or thought to bring the reader back to current story time.

The little things, use of the senses: Using the senses allows the reader to evoke strong images. It’s the little things you insert in your manuscript, the intimate touch, the attention to detail, that creates a visual picture in your reader’s mind and emotionally moves them. A hole in a sock? A tear in the screen? How about a field filled with butterflies? The smell of apple pie on a hot summer day?

Active words versus was: There are times in every story to use the word was, but often, we can find active words that will work as well and increase story impact.

New paragraph for impact/stand alone lines – White space: Gives reader a split second to absorb, a shifting of gears.

Show don’t tell:
Before: He was angry.
After: He shoved away from the table and stood. His eyes narrowed as he scanned the hall in search of one. Where are you! He’d find them, then they would pay.

Dialogue tags: When feasible and the communication within the scene is clear, omit dialogue tags. If you can incorporate an action verb versus he or she said, do it. Your story will move faster.
Before: “I don’t know,” John said. He stood and paced the room
After: “I don’t know.” John stood and paced the room.

Contrasting words: To enhance a moment in a scene, you can use contrasting words or opposing words. This unique blend enhances the scene moment.
Examples:
Silence clattered between them.
The crowd fell into a frantic calm.

I hope these examples of writing for impact have helped.  What are some techniques you feel have given your writing impact?

Thank you so much for stopping by, and I wish you the very best!

Sincerely,

Diana Cosby

 

A Book Club Choice

I had the honor of being chosen for the book of the month at a local book/readers group. There was one condition; I must come to the meeting to answer questions and sign books. The secretary of the group said that a couple of the women could be brutally honest about some of the books they’ve read.  My book is not an epic novel, nor literary/general fiction, but a light mystery romance genre, so what did I have to fear?

For the group of women, I recommended A Place to Land, because it was the sexist of my three books. Yet, it is hardly sexy considering many romance novels of our day.

A month flew by and I made every effort to be back in town for the book club meeting. I even brought my sister along. What I saw right away was that the women were all over sixty years old, and while some did swoon over the cowboy in the story, others thought the book too sexy. I kept hearing the phrase, “the pool table incident.” But, there was humor there, too. One lady said, “I bet your husband is happy with you.”

Another brought up the challenges of being an immigrant in America today, as the heroine in the story. I had opposing sides in the room on the wolf issue, which was a large part of the story as well.

One eloquent lady brought up how often things happened to the heroine at the door of her car, or buildings, and how it illustrated to her how many doors the heroine had to go through to get where she wanted to go in life. Beautiful.

The most negative comment of the night came from a woman who mentioned a couple of flaws that my editor should have caught. Also, she wanted more clues so she could guess the villain of the story, yet the others liked being surprised.

The group appreciated the chance to ask me questions about my research and where I got my ideas. I did enjoy myself; who wouldn’t getting a chance to talk about something they love to do?

What would I do different next time? Ask for the range of ages in the group. Don’t take me wrong, I loved the ages of these women, but if I’d known, I probably would have suggested another of my books instead.

www.maryvine.com

 

 

The Man in the Mall

My dad attracted the strange and semi-crazy wherever he went. A trait he passed on to me. I work retail for the clothes discount and for comic relief. Last night, the comic relief walked right into the store.

I’ll admit right up front that it was all my fault. I was at the front of the store straightening skirts in full view of the strange and semi-crazy. A guy in his sixties stopped in the doorway and looked around. Figuring he’d misplaced his wife—it happens all the time—I asked, “May I help you?”

“Hi. Do you sell the opposite of women’s clothes?” This caused me to take a closer look at him. His straw cowboy hat had a silver bucking bronco in the center. His multi-colored plaid shirt gaped below the last button and above the waist-band. His tan jeans were tucked snugly under a small beer belly.

I smiled (we’re polite no matter what) and said, “No, we sell women’s clothing.” Foolishly, I thought this would be the end of the conversation. But, no.

He walked in and said, “A friend of mine in Florida just lost both his mother and father to heart attacks within 24 hours.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” This is where I should have kept my mouth shut, but I didn’t. “Sometimes that happens when people have been married a long time.”

“He was really upset. He said I always gave him good advice and he wanted to know what to do. I told him to get in his car and drive to Elko and go gambling.”

Odd advice, but whatever. I should mention at this point that I don’t have a poker face. So, I’m sure the, odd advice, but whatever, showed because he continued.

“That’s what his parents kept telling him to do.”

Okay, again, odd advice, but whatever.

“He took my advice. At the casino, he put a coin in the slot machine, pulled the handle, and won 1.7 million dollars.”

At this point, the needle on my BS meter has firmly in the “Yeah, right” zone. I said, “That’s lucky.”

“Yup.” He nodded.

I looked around for an escape. No one was in the store and my cohorts were at the cash wrap in the back. I was on my own.

I stepped back.

He followed. “Yup, this week I got a check for $475,000.”

“What a good friend. Most people wouldn’t do that.”

“He said he’d never have gotten the money if I hadn’t told him to go to Elko.”

I nodded. “So, you’re out buying some new clothes with your new money?” This had to be the end of his story.

“Yeah, I guess.”

Okay, why would you ask me if we had men’s clothes if you weren’t shopping? I wanted to point out that Eddie Bauer is just across the hall and they have lots of men’s clothes. I looked around. Still no help in sight.

He’d gone on without me. “When he sent me the money, he asked me what he should do with all the his winnings. I told him to take it down to Hollywood. He’s down there now and there’re three producers who want to make a movie of his life. He told me he’d give me half of what he made because without my advice he’d never have gone.”

“He’s a very good friend,” I recapped. Again you’d think this would be the end of the story. No such luck.

“We’ve been friends for years. I met him when I was the youngest Ranger ever. I was 18 and up in the back country on horseback.”

I’m not saying another word. I nod.

“When I was up in the Owyhee’s, I came across a couple of wolves.”

We’ve evidently switched topics. Will someone come by and just shoot me? Please!

“They were just like dogs.”

At this point, my BS meter suffers a breakdown.

“I could pet them and they hung around my camp all the time.”

The thing about wolves is, they’re wild animals and you’re prey.

And the story continued. “I was sitting around my campfire one night and I looked up to find a big grizzly bear standing on its hind legs, ready to attack me. In those days we weren’t allowed to carry a gun.” Wait for it… “that’s when my two wolf friends and their brothers attacked the bear. They were biting him in the face and back and they chased him away.”

I’m not even going to comment on the idiocy of going into the wilderness without a gun. Besides, at this point, my BS meter is in pieces on the floor of my brain.

“That was lucky for you.” Still no one is around to save me. So I did the only thing I could before I started losing brain cells. I said, “I better let you get back to your shopping.”

“Okay, well bye.”

And off he went.

You can’t use this in a book. No one would believe it. But it did break up the evening.

Have you had encounters with the strange?

 

Double-Edged Swords

Life comes with double-edged swords.

A child prodigy is talented beyond his/her years, but the road to performance might mean a loss of playtime or peer socialization because of the rigorous studies necessary. A demanding profession might mean missing family dinners, school performances & teacher conferences, and just “time” spent parenting.

Since I’ve started writing, I’ve loved the knowledge gained from studying the craft. I’ve learned about goal, motivation, & conflict, character development, description, POV, well, you get the picture. Of course, learning and applying to a satisfactory end is another story. It’s a process that I continue to perfect.

The writer’s double-edge sword often means reading books or watching movies and studying them even if you try to let yourself go and just enjoy the experience. Before I began writing, perhaps I didn’t like the same amount of books or movies, but couldn’t articulate the reasons. I don’t know.

I do know what doesn’t work for me is because of what I’ve learned.

This summer, a writer friend and I went to a movie that had a lot of pre-release hype. We had history with the subject and couldn’t wait to be swept into that world again. The lights dimmed and the movie began. When the lights lifted, we looked at each other, silent for a moment. Then, one of us (I can’t remember which) said, “I didn’t like it.” The other, “Me, either.”

We then critiqued the movie and decided that the main reason was that it started in the wrong place. The director spent too much time on backstory that could have been threaded in later or even left out. There were other points, but this very slow start seemed to be the main flaw. Would we have realized that had we not been writers? Again, I don’t know.

We then went to another movie taken from a bestselling novel. It hadn’t gotten very good reviews but we both liked the premise. The lights dimmed. The lights lifted.

“I loved it.”

“Me, too!”

We discussed the hero’s ordinary world, the call to adventure, the refusal of the call, and on through the Hero’s Journey. I got almost as much enjoyment over discussing the fine points as watching the movie itself. I couldn’t have experienced that if I wasn’t a writer. It was a wonderful night.

Turning to books, I also know that I don’t enjoy them as much as I used to because of what I know about craft. That saddens me. But, I am more thankful when I find a great book because of what I’ve learned.

A double-edged sword.

Have you found your opinions on books and movies have changed since you began writing? What other double-edged swords have you found when applied to writing?

 

My Online Classes Nightmare

I know me.

There is nothing more I appreciate than some quality time with myself.

I’m fun.

I’m kind.

I’m caring.

Those are the positives.  Where there are positives, there are also negatives.

Right now, I’m dealing with something I created.  I did this to me.  I’d like to blame someone else, but I also try to be honest.

I took a three credit class in July.  It was the old-fashioned kind.  The members of the class met every day, all day, for a week.  Wham-bam, done.

I don’t know why I didn’t take more old-fashioned classes.

I am taking two online classes.  Oh.  My.  Gosh.  I am living a nightmare.  My problem isn’t with the instructors.  The book I needed for one course just arrived a few hours ago.  I have seven lessons to do.  I have a wedding to attend on Saturday, but otherwise, I’ll be working on Portfolio Assessments this weekend.  I’m confident I’ll handle this.

My big problem is with Enhancing Instruction with Power Point.  Yes, I understand the fundamentals, but in class I’m asked to step beyond fundamentals.  I’m supposed to do a Pack and Go.  I would just save the presentation on a thumb, but…

I am one of those people who often have questions.  Without the presence of an instructor, there is a lag time between question and answer.  I am also a visual learner.  I need the item in front of me.  I am one of those people who need a visual and verbal connection.

This problem doesn’t just exit in my classes.  It is something that carries over with my writing.  I am at war with myself.  Don’t you just hate it when you are your biggest obstacle?

I make an effort to understand my process and work with it, rather than against it.

What have you discovered about yourself during your writer’s journey?