I’m struggling with fear. Yes, fear of success/rejection/failure. Sigh. As if this business isn’t hard enough, now I have to deal with mental illness, ‘er barriers. I’ve decided the best way
to overcome the problem is to write down the ten most important reasons why I’m
having trouble putting my butt in the chair.
10. Get the yard ready for summer and hopefully make it appealing to
potential buyers . I had to rearrange some plants because the squirrels ate
most of the two hundred and fifty tulip bulbs I planted last fall—squirrels—rats
with fuzzy tails.
9. We’re building a new house. I had no idea it
would turn into a time black hole. It sounded so easy, right? It just involves
a few decisions: the final plan—this isn’t easy since my husband is an
Architect and he thinks he knows more than I do about building a house…well
maybe. Next I have to pick out some stuff—oven, microwave, stove top,
refrigerator, colors, light fixtures, sinks and tubs, carpet, colors, windows,
and on the list goes.
8. Summer finally arrived in the Northwest and it
is dog walking weather. The walk is great, but brushing the junk out of the dogs
isn’t. Who knew two big dogs could find so many stickers on one walk?
7. Preparations for nationals sucked up a good
deal of time. There was all the shopping for the perfect this or that. I had to
get my pitches ready because I have an agent and an editor appointment.
6. I’m working part time and spending money full
time at Ann Taylor. That requires dozens of decisions. Not just the obvious
what to buy today, but what to wear.
5. (Now to the actual writing excuses) The market. I mean really! It keeps changing so
often how do I know what to write? They cancel lines, or the line changes so
much, the book I wrote to target it won’t work now. And, after all that work.
Now I need to do a lot more research so I can get the right book to the right
person before they change agencies/publishers.
4. I just got a bigger, better computer. Now I
have to figure out all the new bells and whistles Mr. Gates has come up with.
Then, there is getting everything from computer “A” to computer “B” without losing
everything I’ve done. If I mess this up I’ll shoot myself and I won’t have to
worry about 3, 2, or 1.
3. What if the agent/editor at nationals doesn’t
like it and I’m rejected? That could set me back months…I’d have to examine
my whole reason for writing and if I want to continue in this frustrating
business. Then, of course, there’s all the research I’ll have to do to find more
agents who will be as perfect as the one who so coldly rejected me.
2. What if the agent wants to sign me on? Then
what? Are they going to want me to do re-writes? How can I do that with all the
other things I have to do. Organize for next Christmas and ride herd on the new
house so we can move in sometime this summer if the guy building the doors ever
gets them done, so we can finish the house and move in. That’s an ugly circle.
And of course the number one excuse not to write.
1. What if I sell? Then what? I mean if I sell to
some unreasonable editor somewhere who is going to want changes to this book,
not to mention they’re going to want another book that they’ll want revisions
for. Then there are the book signings and the television appearances and the
interviews for magazines and the invitations to speak at conferences and the
awards that will undoubtedly be thrust on me. Where will I find the time?